We're poisoning the well.

What if instead of focusing so much attention on what we don’t want, we accepted faithfully that by only focusing on what we do want we will experience life in a totally different light. More joyfully, more attentively, more presently, more wholly.

Where our attention goes, so does our energy, right?

Where do you want your energy to go?

To more of what makes you feel whole, or to more of what causes you “pain and suffering”?

Let’s talk about that.

How many times has a mentor, coach, blog post, social post, you name it told you to find the pain points of your story and use that to reach your ideal clients?

Find your people by speaking to them from this “painful” place you were once in, show them it’s possible to get out of that place by telling your story.

You guys.

I’m done. I’m done with this horrible focus on pain. I’m done with playing to pain. I’m done with this guru mentality, with the blind leading the fucking blind.

And this concept is SO much bigger than the tiny microcosm of female empowerment coaching. Zoom out and you’ll see it playing it out literally everywhere. Anyone remember what our current President played to to win (?) the election? It sure as shit wasn’t anything remotely positive.

When are we going to wake up and realize that selling the pain is perpetuating the pain? Selling the pain gives us permission to live in the pain. We’re in a constant cycle of working through pain, working through challenges.. working through.

What if we just gave ourselves permission to be where we are without labelling it as painful, or needing fixed or changed? What if as soon as we put a name to what was causing us to be less joyful (because joy and love is our natural state) we just decided to move through that feeling and back into joy? What if we took the focus off of the less-than, back to the more-than and let that be enough to move us through?

Selling pain is selling scarcity. How many times do you see someone selling you their product/service/program/idea/whatever, telling you they have the solution to your pain… but you must get out of this scarcity mindset and invest in yourself in order to move through it?

I’m calling bullshit.

Quite honestly, when you use those tactics, you are sitting in scarcity. You are selling to scarcity. You are perpetuating the idea of scarcity. You are giving energy to scarcity.

I do not want even a penny from you if by you giving me that penny it will cause you pain in any way. I want your pennies for liberation, for freedom, for joy.

There is a deeper level that must be addressed here. That’s not to say that a positive investment may not cause your heart to race a little, or a small bit of fear to come up and make you nervous/anxious/scared.

What needs to happen, though, is a deep knowing that that decision will bring you joy- and making that decision from a place of joy. Or even just sheer faith that you will experience MORE joy by making the decision. Because when you are making a decision from a place of pain, fear or scarcity, what are you giving your energy to? (And quite literally- because money is just energy.)

So let’s stop poisoning the well, shall we?

Let’s stop selling pain. Let’s stop selling from a POV of scarcity. Let’s stop working through and start being.

I know that it might not always feel this way, but I can assure you that all it takes to move through something is a decision that you’ve done so. Yes, it may take time to see the physical evidence of that decision, but it takes a little faith, some prayer and the ability to just be. For as long as you need to be. Just be. All parts of you will catch up… but forcing it will perpetuate the pain.

I would like to remind you, you do not HAVE to be anything or anyone you do not want to be. You do not HAVE to feel pain to grow. You do not HAVE to make yourself sick trying to heal your “brokenness”. (You are not broken. You are never broken.) You get to be whole- in every single moment. In your own way.

Let’s feed joy. Let’s be in love. Let’s stop poisoning the well.

With so much love,


Kirstie Dempsey