The Root of Excuses- And how to move into Action.

How many times per day do you find yourself making excuses for where you are, or where you can’t be?

You see the women who “have it all” and scoff at their success. Well, she’s prettier than me/doesn’t have kids/has so much time- insert your excuses here as to why SHE can have it but not YOU. 

I’m here to call bullshit on your silly excuses. Why? Because I am sick and tired of excuses. And let me tell you, I used to be the Queen of Excuses. I’m going to let you in on a secret here: that one excuse you have as to why you can’t have it- it’s going to lead to more excuses. You will never ever run out of excuses unless you wake up and choose to see it differently.

Let me give you an example to illustrate my point here. I used to say my business was going nowhere because I didn’t have the time to dedicate to it. I was a full-time mom, working at home with a two-year-old to take care of. My attention was always split, I didn’t have the time to truly dedicate to running my business. I didn’t have the tools I needed.

And then my son entered daycare. Excuse eradicated, right? Wrong. New excuses kept popping up along the way. I didn’t have the right strategy. I didn’t have the money to pay the coach who I just knew would propel my business forward. I wasn’t putting out the right content. SO. MANY. EXCUSES!

And they were all complete and total bullshit!
What was really happening is that I wasn’t making the decision to make my business successful.  I wasn’t stepping into the energy of a successful business owner. I was failing to focus on the potential of my business, I was so focused on the lack of a business that I was just spiraling into excuses, failure and non-action.

If you’re not a business owner and have no desire to have your own business, you may be wondering why this is relevant to you. This same pattern plays out in EVERY aspect of life. Your health, relationships, home, environment, work- all of it- it works exactly the same way.

If you're nodding your head right now, thinking yep, I can relate, I wrote this for you. To show you what happens when you stop making excuses and start making firm, empowered decisions. It will change your life in every way. You, too, can live your dream life. You, too can not fret  over having enough money to make it through the next month. 

The desires you have are yours, and if I can help you to reframe how you think about and feel about your desires, I can help you change you your life. 

We make excuses for the most minute details in our lives every day. It happens, we’re human! I catch myself in excuses still. I have an excuse as to why the dishes are still in the sink. An excuse for why I just can’t handle even thinking about writing a page today. Why I gave my son a piece of candy when I vowed I was done giving him more sugar for the day.

And they’re just that, excuses. Because the fact is, I decided. I made a decision to do something, and whether it’s an excuse to myself or someone else, excuses are made to evade judgement. 

An excuse is a way for our rational minds to evade judgement in all forms. We hate judgement. We’re really, really good at it, but we hate it when it’s turned our way. And so often, we’re our own most critical judge. 

Why do we judge ourselves so harshly? There can be a handful of reasons, and please understand in your heart, body and mind- you can drop the judgement. It’s a choice. Let’s take a look first at why we judge ourselves so critically.

Can you remember the first time you felt wrong for something you did? Whether it was an accident, something you thought was ok, something even that felt totally natural to you. We are wired to remember these experiences. And after a feeling is so deeply ingrained in us it can turn into our own voice. 

Judgement is about remembering past feelings. Feelings are far more potent than our thoughts or words. Feelings are what become encoded in our DNA. And when we associate an event or action with a negative feeling, we will do everything possible to keep ourselves safe from that feeling. This is the most basic human response, this is how we learn!

Now, here is where I want to give you a little note on my beliefs around healing past experiences. I spent a lot of time in the energy of healing. It was very valuable to me to experience energy healing on many levels- emotionally and energetically. It included feeling the feelings I had suppressed long ago and avoided for years. The work was remembering, feeling and releasing. It was painful. It was necessary.

Knowing what I now know, I want to be clear that my path was the perfect path for me. That doesn’t necessarily mean, though, that it’s for you. We all have our own past. We all have our own path. Yours is not mine, mine is not yours. Some people don’t need to go back through the experience of feeling to heal. 

I do believe that healing work is absolutely beneficial to drop the judgement for the vast majority of us, though. Here’s why:

I talk a lot about “deciding” and “choosing”. I will tell you over and over every day that you create your reality. It can absolutely be as simple as making the decision to be “healed”. You are already whole, healing doesn’t mean fixing something that’s broken, it means remembering that you are whole and stepping back into the energy of wholeness. 

Some of us can do this with a decision. Some of us do not have traumas that we’ve suppressed for years or decades. Some of us came into life with a clear remembrance of who we are and held onto that tightly. Some of us have an abundance of love for ourselves- the healthy kind. But there are others who need to remember who they are, who need to fall back in love with their whole self. 

If you need to be reminded of how powerful, loving and lovable you are, you are certainly not alone. In fact, I’m willing to bet that since you’re here reading this, that’s you. And it was me, too. I’ve written this with you in mind. I have SO much love for you.

Now for the practical steps. Where do you even start when you realize you're totally judging yourself and holding yourself back from having what you so deeply desire?

Firstly, forgive. Forgiveness is SO essential to moving forward. Forgiving others is important, but the type I'm talking about right now is self-forgiveness. There's an amazing technique out there called Ho'oponopono. For an in-depth look at how this works, Google has all the answers you may seek. 

To keep it simple, Ho'oponopono is a four-step process to moving through guilt and shame and into a state of gratitude and forgiveness. 

Step 1: I'm Sorry. You don't have to rehash all the events around a situation, just recognize that you are sorry for the situation. It's the equivalent of accepting responsibility.

Step 2: Forgive Me. Say it and MEAN IT. The key is to mean it. Say it until you really do mean it, no matter who you're asking for forgiveness.

Step 3: Thank You. Thank you not only for your forgiveness, but showing me how I can be more in alignment with myself and with love in the future.

Step 4: I love you. Again, say it, mean it, and FEEL it. It's amazing how you can shift your energy by aligning with love. You can shift the energy of any event, situation- whatever it is you're forgiving when you can feel love in its place. 

There are so many other great ways to move our of judgement and excuses and into love- which is the ultimate alignment with who you are. This is just one, and one of the simplest techniques you can use to begin to move the energy. You may have to do this process a dozen times for it to stick, but with a little faith it will work!

If you're called to focus in more deeply on this work, another great technique is EFT, or tapping. YouTube has hundreds of amazing videos on how to use this technique. 

The most important note I can give you here, though, is that bringing awareness to your judgements is the first step. Once you are aware, it becomes so much easier to move through the judgement, past the excuses and into something new. 

Something beautiful, and meant fully for you.



Kirstie Dempsey